Xmas, new year, valentine’s… Seems like the festivities are there just to remind me how much I failed as an adult man incapable of getting company. It’s been over a decade since I’ve felt this way and nothing changes.
Alcohol and porn has lost its charm over the years.
I have a screaming pillow.
It’s for screaming, the pillow itself cannot scream.
though, if it could…
…there might be other uses for it that would ease the loneliness.
Same way I survive every Wednesday.
Your worth as a person isn’t measured by your ability to find a romantic companion
You are simply a person, people of the alternate gender are simply people. There is no magic transition that happens when you find a relationship, people are depressed in and out of love.
My recommendation is to find community, leave the house, look for public events, join board game nights, pick up a hobby like pottery or biking or a specific video game, get really into something and enjoy your platonic time with people who also enjoy that thing.
Platonic relationships have just as much value as romantic relationships.
I’ve been into videogames all my life. If anything it has made me even more lonely.
Also after my temporary full time job (I’m sure I’ll get fired after the holidays) I’m just tired.
I second every word of this. Great advice, beautifully articulated.
It really isn’t
Options to consider: I. Professional company keepers if you can afford it.
II. Keep busy with Work - I use such holidays as free Overtime shift gathering glitch. Workflow seem to be mid anyway, would rather get paid than hanging out at home alone if i can’t avoid it.
Pay your self with some type of travel or self-care after this ,holiday vacationers pressure must have subsided by that time anyway.
III.An alternative will be to volunteer at hospitals to keep senior citizens company or foodbanks/ pantry or local community based need. This can be planned ahead in case necessary screening is needed.
IV. You can start a Lemmy4Lemmy holiday company discord or something adjacent to r4r SFW and or NSFW. Beware of sellers and bots though.
I like III. I found that shifting the focus from how miserable one feels because of the circumstances to trying to find out ways to help other people (anyone!) helps to really shift the inner monologue and feelings.
I do agree, Thats my default approach during holidays if i’m a bit jaded to pick up shifts or i’m in a city or town not too welcoming.
Aaah, so those were all your approaches, wink wink ;)
Hey fam! I’m not doing anything on christmas day, and @friendless@lemmy.blahaj.zone had a post today where they said they didn’t have anything that day either.
How about on christmas day all of us get together on a post somewhere and talk! You know, we can just chat like we’re at a party or something?! We can post images and song links and… I dunno… type out song lyrics and complete each other’s sentences and stuff?
Maybe we can make it a megathread on a community like… hm…
- !casualconversation@lemm.ee - I suggest this one
- !general@lemmy.world
- !actual_discussion@lemmy.ca
- !casualuk@feddit.uk
what do ya say?!?
+1 on this crowdsourcing holiday chillzone marathon!
Awesome, come say hi here: https://lemmynsfw.com/post/19860897
Honestly that’s a great idea. Also, you all could do a discord server and do rooms where everyone can do video chat (or maybe just audio) and even split into smaller rooms if one gets to crowded while also being able to chat.
Interesting… come say hi and suggest it here: https://lemmy.world/post/23527561
or jitsi, so more can participate
Woah, I never heard of jitsi… pass by here and tell us about it: https://sh.itjust.works/post/30037926
hmm it would be weird because it’s not something I’m actively doing. I use it once every few weeks or so
This is so wholesome. I like the idea
Awesome, its’ happening here, come say hi: https://redlemmy.com/post/redlemmy.com/67792
Yeah maybe we could do like a “pub crawl” kind of situation… or “christmas caroling”… as long as people don’t think we’re brigading or something. Anyway, come say hi here: https://lemmy.world/post/23527561
Not lonely anymore, but I spent about 10 years having every single holiday by myself. What worked for me personally was either ignore the holiday or just have an all-out bash on my own. I understand how it might not work for other people but celebrating on my own helped me learn that I should value my own time and appreciate what I can do for myself. If I ignored the holiday, it was because I didn’t want to cook for myself.
There’s no problem being alone as long as you value and appreciate what you can do alone.
Now with that being said, I spend the majority of my time with my wife now and she respects my time and space the way it is. I wouldn’t have been able to find that if I didn’t first respect myself and my own time and space
The bird will never land if you constantly stand guard to catch it, instead improve your ship and sail into warmer waters; the bird will land while you are not looking - CGP Grey
It sounds silly, but you could try volunteering. I grew up with just my mom and we didn’t have much $. She used to spend part of Thanksgiving and/or Christmas working at a ‘soup kitchen’. Making the time better for other people can make it better for you too. Also, you might meet other single people.
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It really isn’t for me. Sometimes at work I feel used or stomped… That doesn’t give me the will to help anyone else. If anything makes me resentful, people like me can’t help and I don’t believe in charities.
Do you like dogs? Walking dogs from the local shelter can be fulfilling.
There’s no shelter here, and tbh I don’t hate dogs but I don’t like them either
There’s a difference between being alone versus “lonely.” I know this sounds flippant, but you have to find things you like. Things you wake up and look forward to, or plan for yourself. Maybe plan something for yourself next holiday? Take yourself out to dinner, spa day if that’s your bag, maybe look into a hobby you’ve always been interested in, go to a out-of-the way store, whatever is special to you and for you.
Good luck.
Have you tried therapy? Judging by the comments in here, you sound depressed. And not without reason! Therapy can really help.
It’s expensive.
I’m not lonely but I have really enjoyed mastering fudge. Maybe try that. Remember, don’t go past 114 and resist the urge to stir.
For myself. I drove to a cold rocky beach, ate turkey sandwiches alone, and screamed at the ocean. It became a tradition.
Learn to celebrate .
If it’s your bag, looking into faith communities to for Christmas. You can celebrate the holiday for the religious reason. Decorate and find events, like public tree lighting.
For new years there are usually big public countdowns somewhere. If you can ‘get into it’ just going to an event can help you enjoy it. Get a hat and a noise maker.
It’s going to be up to you to figure make your own excitement and enjoyment for the holidays.
Valentines day sucks for everyone. Just Yikes.
Look for social media event spaces, meetup.com helped me find stuff decades ago.
Read up on stoicism as well as absurdism if your not a religious kind of person. They aren’t answers but can help you find the right questions.
Meetup is so underated. There are great groups on there!
I moved to the opposite side of the country as my friends and family a decade ago and refuse to travel during holidays. Some years I’ve been lucky enough to have friends in similar situations but since covid it’s been kinda rough. IDK if it will work for you but I fly back between Thanksgiving and Xmas and we celebrate then. Other than that to me it’s just another day.
My girlfriend and my mom hate each other for no reason. I’m going to spend the holidays with my girlfriend because… Well y’all get it. Right?
I’m just saying I’m not lonely… But at what cost! AT WHAT COST!
My advice would be to make an effort to participate in group activities if you don’t already. Try to open up to a few people and see where that goes. For example, I started going to a run club last summer where we run at least once every week, and I continue to meet interesting people each time. Stay a little bit after the run to socialize. A lot of them it turns out joined so they can socialize and motivate themselves to be more active, just like me. You can start at your own pace, even walk if you need to, of you’re not a runner per se. We had a special holiday run last week where we celebrated afterwards with lots of games and activities at a bar/video game arcade and it was a blast. An added bonus is that now you’ll have fun social activities to talk about when you meet new people outside of the club. I’ve met people that are into board games, cycling, you name it. So that opens up new doors for other types of activities. It gets easier after you start going regularly and everyone recognizes you. Starting a conversation is as simple as asking how their day/run/whatever went.
Find a passion that isn’t porn, or alcohol, irrespective of the season. Since (I assume) you have time off, use it to find something else to try and get good at. Such as improving your strength and endurance at the gym, learning a new language, starting a new project, taking up a new instrument, read a history book or any book, etc., going to a new place, learning to cook a new kind of meal, etc. etc.
I gave up on those before
All of the above? And you’re not willing to try any of them again?
Yea
