I have composed a piece of written musings on the tools choice in clay sculpting which I put on a display on a public internet forum.
I have received following advice: Go seek therapy.
However upon checking my vaults it has become apparent that they are barren.
What should I do in this situation?
Okay but if it is so essential as the contemporary society would allow you to believe then why it is more expensive than an hour with a sex worker? (At least here) somehow I cannot get the therapy prostitution connection out of my mind.
Like why would I say to some stranger (I choose based on looks and opinions lol) my feelings and pay them for it and also wait for dates available like it was some highly sought service competition and I am just some 10th gear in queue of the bucks making machine.
Not only I must pay for this but also wait patiently for a month. Some crazy stuff
And what is that will be revealed to me that I didn’t know already if anything? For an hour of feeling good after waiting for weeks I will pay 150 dollars??
I could get one pack of high quality cocaine for that /j not to mention all the stuff that I actually need to buy
And if it doesn’t work then money wasted? What does “working” even mean in this context i don’t know. Hopefully makes me earn more money because I need that.
Right now I am unable to work prolly cause some autism but who knows. I am unable to resist daily grind and emotions of commuting and working for more than a month without mental breakdown.
Will therapy fix that?
I wouldn’t say it’s essential, more one option out of a whole bunch you could use to improve yourself (though we pay for many essential things like housing, water, food… Welcome to life as we know it).
Therapy isn’t going to “fix” anything. It’s a way of helping you reflect on yourself, see where your problems are, give you some perspective and start to see things differently. It can help you understand why you have certain behaviours and traits and work on unpicking them or unlearning them. But like I said, lots of other things can help you get there too, like meeting new people and having good chats, taking drugs that change your perspective, travelling, reading books. All of the above combined.
Therapy isn’t brain medicine. It’s different for lots of people, however to me it was an opportunity to practice skills I otherwise wouldn’t in a safe environment. The main skills I was able to practice were self reflection and emotional expression.
If I hadn’t gone to therapy, I would still be practically unable to open up to the people closest to me and I would still have my self image corrupted by delusions of self hatred from depression.
It’s sounds like fru-fru bullshit, but it does slowly make a difference. Eventually I realized that all my relationships became more healthy and my self confidence was significantly improved.
Lots of people -especially men in my experience- have no experience opening up and have a lot of deep fears about it and they end up self-isolating way more than is healthy. Therapy is the only real way where you can express yourself and get a sanity check without any kind of blowback.
So what I would just go there and talk about what for 150 dollars? They would sniff it out what I need or…? Or do I need to know what I need? How many 150 dollar meetings for figuring it out?
I need money and fearlessness, now give me that or at least ways to achieve it
Then there is also power I have been eyeing if I have these things but that can wait and will come with the first two
Fearlessness -> Money -> Power that’s how it looks like in the long run
However on my path I am brought down by some stupid things like daily commute problems or mental overload or anxiety. I just want to surgically cut them out
Generally when you start out, they have to get a feel for how you think and it’s mostly just you complaining about what stresses you out. After a few sessions, a decent therapist will have figured out some patterns in how you think and will be better able to direct the conversation so you end up talking about more of the situation than you typically think of on your own. From this it’s up to you to figure out how you want to solve the problem and/or what you want your goals to be.
I get the never ending struggle for more money. That’s a tough one let me know if you figure it out lol.
Fearlessness is probably a pretty unhealthy goal imo. Fear is a normal, healthy response that keeps you from making bad decisions. I think what you would really benefit from is: increased self-confidence, stress management skills, and good planning. You could definitely tell a therapist that you’re looking to become fearless or at least less fearful and they would be able to better look for what you might be hung up on.
I personally suffer from pretty bad anxiety and I know it holds me back, but I’ve become more confident in my own judgement and I’ve become better able to seek support from the people in my life thanks to therapy. Things haven’t turned around for me yet, but I feel better about the future and that’s a massive improvement on its own.
No I don’t want fear. I don’t want to feel fear ever again. Whatever it takes to do that I will do
Fear is a prison
I need to somehow crush that fearful part of me and kill it because it is broken
Okay I am afraid to come there to therapist actually first so maybe let’s start with that part
I probably shouldn’t tell you what your goals should be, that’s my bad. That said, you’ll eventually become less fearful on your path to fearlessness and it’ll be up to you to decide when it’s good enough.
If you’re afraid of therapy, I understand that. I don’t know you, but I was personally afraid of my inner thoughts causing people to reject me and I was also afraid that I may come to discover I’m worse than I thought. I’ll tell you how I came to see those things over time and maybe you feel something similar even if you can’t describe it and it may help. I unfortunately can’t do much more.
For the first fear (rejection) there’s two main things I clung on to: 1) There’s always someone worse than you out there and likely any therapist has already dealt with someone much worse than you or I. 2) Therapists are trained to deal with all kinds of people and manage whatever stress that may cause them. It’s why they cost so much money and that training is the difference between a therapist and a good listener. It’s also worth mentioning that they’re legally required to maintain confidentiality and unless you’re a danger to others, they’ll never spread anything you say.
For the second fear of realizing I was worse than I thought, that wasn’t really assuaged until I started. One thing most people come to realize as they become better at self reflection and self evaluation is that your imagination is almost always worse than the reality.
Whatever your particular fears are, it’ll take a measure of will power to overcome them no matter what. You should be proud then when you do go since you overcame your fear for your own betterment.
thank you, sincerely, this is very helpful comment and something that I don’t feel like maybe I deserve omggg I need to work on that lol
Why not someone making a nice comment, take it and appreciate it
I will pick some therapist tomorrow and we will see what kind of shit will come up, I bet it will feel fucking terrible
A good part of therapy is having the problems accurately identified with possible realistic goals for how to improve your mental situation.
Self diagnosis often leads to the wrong conclusions. A perfect example is that there are already many rich, powerful, fearless assholes. Not only is adding you to their ranks unrealistic but it may not lead you to a future where you are content with yourself. Therapy can help you find whats wrong, and help you with the tools to know what to do about it. They aren’t going to “fix” you though. If you’re going into it with that mindset you’re going to come out exactly as you went in. Therapy is work. Be prepared to put in the work. It can be difficult, but its always worth it. The alternative is what you are now or possible even a worse version of yourself if you go down the wrong spiral.
I want money and want to have a mindset that will allow for a swift and easy accumulation of it so then I don’t need it anymore and can focus on higher luxuries such as some kind of abstract ethics or whatever
If that means being an asshole for some time then it’s okay as long as it is helping me achieve this minimum monetary security
Almost nothing in life is swift and easy, and certainly not what you’re asking for here. You already know this. Since that’s the case are you okay with the possibility of going through your entire life still clinging to this idea without even getting close to it until you shut your eyes for the last time on your deathbed? I mean, its your life, but that sounds like a pretty sorry existence to me especially when there are alternatives available to you.
You don’t need money to accomplish this.
I don’t need money to accomplish what? What I would want to accomplish actually… Well I want some nice ranch hobbit like house for once and then some nice garden but thats just one of them houses. And also some kind of nice boat
I want to have voyages on the ocean on a boat. Like self sufficient boat
I want to live in the New Zealand with a nice view maybe
That all sounds like lots of money required to me. I mean this is the things I really would enjoy in life
My port would be in New Zealand and my house too, at least one of them
In another post you made here you said you had a silly original post to have interesting in serious conversation in comments. Are you just shitposting?
I am 100% honest why does it sound like shitposting? This is what I dream of in life
I don’t know, what do you dream of then?
I really really would love to go on a boat to the ocean and all the water around you, I love water
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