This is a women-only discussion community. If you do not identify as a women or fall under the umbrella cited in the community sidebar, then please refrain from posting or replying.
We’re fighting a losing battle. This is a space where we are very clearly not wanted, and we cannot discuss women’s issues without hostility.
Keep it limited to makeup and fashion, I guess, unless you want to be brigaded!
I’m over it. Let the boys have their playground. Lemmy is not a space that is welcoming to women, and, because of that, unless sweeping changes are made, I just don’t see myself ever recommending it to any women as a good place to make a community.
I’m not going to contribute to its growth or content any longer. “PROGRESSIVE” space. Garbage. Absolute fucking hypocrisy. I’m so sick of having to explain myself and be made to feel like I need to justify my existence here.
Good luck, sisters. I’m desperate for community, but this feels more like a battleground than it does a home.
We appreciate the sideline supporters who respect the community rules & expectations and are respectful enough to not interject. You are very much loved and respected, brothers. 🫶
EDIT: This community & its moderators have been nothing but kind & respectful to men who post here, and are constantly shit on & downvoted because of it.
I have resorted to being hostile! And I see very little difference in how this is being received compared to them.
My blood pressure too high rn.
EDIT 2: Mods… I’m sorry for leaving you to find this dumpster fire of a thread! I gotta go to bed and I’m sick of trying to explain things to people who don’t actually care or want to understand.
Women: attempt to foster & curate their own community to talk about women-centric issues and experiences without being drowned out by majority voices
The rest of Lemmy:
What you are doing is grabbing a megaphone and screaming “MEN AREN’T WELCOME HERE GO AWAY”. You aren’t in some “private room in the community hall”, you are in a public park. And you aren’t “respectfully requesting”, you are walking up to every man around and screaming in their face that they aren’t welcome.
If you want a space free from misogyny, don’t be a misandrist.
I’ve skipped the countless threads that reached the front page because I tried to respect “your” space, but holy fuck, grab a seat and try to reflect on how a thread like this looks from “the other side”. I don’t care what your gender identity is, all people are equal. A toxic person is a toxic person no matter who they identify as, and threads like these are toxic as fuck. You don’t feel welcome because you aren’t welcoming yourself.
Just leave and block this community. We dont need your gaslighting here.
you are walking up to every man around and screaming in their face that they aren’t welcome.
Men (presuming, I’m guessing, you, despite knowing the rules, because rules aren’t for men…) have to come to this group to be told to piss off. (And the mods are super nice about telling men to piss off. There’s a reason why they’re mods and I’m not!)
For you to call that “walking up to every man around and screaming in their face” is so fucking ridiculous that I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of entitled, toddler-like mindset required to express this without laughing.
Perfect! There’s a group meeting in a park. They are all in a circle chatting with each other. Is it your right to suddenly start inserting yourself into the discussion? Do you often do that to strangers talking amongst themselves?
Boundaries ≠ misandry.
Small group dedicated to a minority community ≠ misandry.
Do you often interject in amputee communities talking about their struggles? Cancer survivors? Abuse victims? Groups with a common experience that they’d like to share with people who often experience the same struggles trying to find solidarity in a community?
But no. Please talk over us!
Fuck off.
You aren’t “chatting with eachother” you are screaming at passerbys that they cannot join your chat. You are walking up to them. Nobody is “talking over you”.
And no, I don’t interject in amputee communities, or any you mentioned, because those communities don’t interest me at all, just as yours didn’t interest me (and not because I’m “a man”, because that’s not who I am). But one thing that they don’t do, is preface all posts with “YOU HAVE TO BE AN AMPUTEE TO POST HERE”. You don’t do that on a public forum that reaches everyone.
This is not how you create a private community, plain and simple.
Your comic is cute, except for the tiny fact that the three red guys never left and never made their own box.
My bad! This space isn’t really ours because we didn’t create it from scratch.
“Leave Lemmy because you can’t have your own space! Because people like me will come and invade it after you asked me not to! 😎 haha gotcha!”
I have no expectation of privacy when posting in places like this. The men spectating while respectfully not commenting are watching you be a fucking embarrassment. “Look! Anyone can be a dickwad! Even me! Don’t tell me not to comment! Hehehe!”
We get it. You suck and enjoy continually harassing women. Wow. Super. Congrats, I guess. Sincerely hope you repeatedly stub your smallest toe on every piece of furniture in your home.
For a third time, I don’t identify as a man. You are making a lot of assumptions here about everyone.
Edit: also, nobody is telling you to “leave lemmy”. Stop putting words in my mouth.
You can be a woman and your opinions can still suck! They’re not mutually exclusive.
If you’re unhappy with a women’s-only community with its own set of community guidelines, you don’t have to be here.
I’m not identifying as a woman either. And yes, you can be a woman and have your opinions suck, as evident by your behavior towards me and the countless assumptions you keep making.
I won’t be replying to you anymore, you have shown me the kind of person you are repeatedly and I don’t want to talk to you.
Let me guess. You identify as an attack helicopter.
🙄
“Hello! This is a women-only community! Please don’t post here if you do not identify as a women or fall under the trans/enby umbrella! Thank you!”
you are screaming at passerbys that they cannot join your chat. You are walking up to them. Nobody is “talking over you”.
You literally waltzed over into this community and got mad we said “no thank you”
🤡
Why are you quoting a rule that doesn’t apply to me(one that I’m not breaking)? Who is this “we”?
Hi Maalus thanks so much for your feedback! We are women only so you’re banned. All the best 🥰
You may have better luck having it hosted on Beehaw.org. They’re dead serious about keeping it a friendly community. They’ll ban the shit out of trolls lickety split.
I just did a search on Beehaw local for the keyword “China”.
Somehow I don’t see it being any more welcoming than any other site I’ve seen in the … well, Fediverse actually. The western left is not a whole lot better on that topic than the western right.
Sadly Beehaw doesn’t allow its users to make communities.
They don’t ?
Oh dang, I didn’t know that. :(
Yeah, closest we have found that does allow community creation is the one we are on: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/
I see that you’re also on blahaj but I just wanted to second your recommendation. I’ve been using this instance since my first day on lemmy and I’ve had a great experience with the instance and its admins so far. Everybody loves Ada and for a good reason.
I’m not LGBTQ+ myself but it was important for me to chose an inclusive instance and I’m glad I made that choice
I can’t speak to all of Lemmy, it is woldwide, but my limited interaction has found there are positive groups, even ones you don’t expect: There’s the “dull men club”, they accept women. (They have thought about altering the name) Its a place to share boring stuff and everyone upvotes and tells you they are proud of you for the daily task or acheivement you posted.
It’s frustrating. It feels like even progressive men here aren’t willing to listen, while making it all about them. And because it’s 99% men, most threads on womens’ issues consist of off-topic defensive comments. I don’t recommend Lemmy to women either.
That being said, you’re all worth it. Reddit as a whole isn’t what it once was. And womens’ Reddit communities tend to have lots of people, which can sometimes lead to negative spiraling when bad things happen. I get it, but it would make my mental health worse.
On Lemmy, it’s a small, friendly space much like the old internet. I recognize a lot of the same folks on these communities. We uplift each other.
Lots of people here can very hostile about us being here, but we’re making this place a little friendlier and more inclusive, and I’m glad we’re all here. We’ve got each other’s backs.
It feels like even progressive men here (not all, but many) aren’t willing to listen, while making it all about them.
I mentioned this in past messages that got deleted (not by the mods here).
But basically this is what women’s groups in uni were like for me when they tried inviting “allies” from among male students. These well-intentioned (I have to stress this, they were not being jerks deliberately!) men would come to meetings and by the end it was only the men talking.
It’s just in the nature.
This is why we went back to “women-only” groups with occasional “open house”-style gatherings which were just social events.
The Internet in general isn’t a good place for anyone, especially women
Some places are better than others. Lemmy is worse.
I was wondering what places are better - Tumblr maybe? Reddit and Lemmy seem both similarly male dominated, and I agree with JohnnyFlapHoleSeed that internet communities in general are male dominated and not friendly to women …
I get what you’re going for but this kind of discourse is part of the problem.
Any time someone says “I’m having a problem because x!” Someone shows up to say, “OTHER people have that problem!” This is not helpful. Adding especially women at the end didn’t negate the whataboutism you started with. No disrespect just… exhausting.
I know it may seem redundant to suggest such, seeing as there is already a women only community here, but if the kind of community you’re looking for doesn’t exist, why try to steer people away from a potential place where that kind of community can grow?
I think it’s personally counterproductive to tell people “don’t get on lemmy, it’s not for women.” Is it not? Seeing as it is, this post describes wanting to see a more accepting community on lemmy, so why eliminate any potential for that?
Sorry if asking questions only further your frustration, it’s not my intention, but i feel like since this has been posted, lemmy has gotten better for us, i mean i’m subbed to a few women only communities too, and to my limited perspective, it seems like everyone is supportive of eachother.
As for the men not listening or understanding us, well, what would you expect out of someone who doesn’t live our shared experience? I know it’s a bad thing to say, a bad thing to expect, but it’s realistic.
They don’t know us like we do eachother, that’s something a lot of people forget when trying to explain your life to someone who’s lived an entirely different one. Not everyone will understand, and that’s okay, don’t let it get to you.
The issue isn’t “men not listening or understanding us”, it’s “men not respecting basic requests of common courtesy and decency like … not commenting in a women’s only space”.
At least that’s the part that gets me extremely salty right now.
I mean honestly, is there any part of the internet that women are actually “allowed in”?
I haven’t had too many specific Lemmy problems. It’s just the being a woman online that is bad.
Lemmy in and of itself is very toxic, hostile, negative, and filled with extremists and thrives on drama. I’ve been on lemmy on and off for 5 years, and that’s not something I see changing.
Having said that, I would say the best route, is to just ignore any men who are in the women’s community. The mods seem to do a really good job at it keeping them out
Lemmy fosters negativity and I just don’t see that ever going away unfortunately. Just work around it, that’s what I do.
Any system that has visible scores that people vote to get is going to foster negativity. The Original Sin of online spaces was assuming that “popular” is “good”.
It’s not good, but that’s why I generally keep it super simple. Makeup, fashion, hobbies, if I’m going to participate lol. Nothing remotely political. I already know we’re vastly outnumbered here, so I don’t care to invite mean comments from men. Big kudos to any fighting sisters out there, but I don’t want that stress in my life
I get it, but I’m not going to only talk about “safe” topics just because it makes men uncomfortable.
Women are not a political commodity.
I don’t feel sorry for men who get hurt feelings over women putting down / requesting boundaries.
Not a solve-everything solution, but I enjoy blocking every user who is even slightly a shit. My experience of slowly curating out the dumbasses has certainly made my experience a better one!
They keep endlessly respawning. I’m tired, boss. I’m so tired.
Men sure like to sealion.
I do this too. My block list is long.
I wish there was a place we could list who we blocked and why. Might sound pitchforky but I’m just over it. I just want to live and let live.
having a public block list would be great, tbh - ublock origin does something similar with maintained filter lists, for example
I’d be down for that. Having pretty between all the goons would be a relief.
Lemmy definitely feels like it’s declined a lot over the past year across the board. Every thread is a fight. I see a lot of Reddit style combative comments all over the place and I’m just less and less enthusiastic to be using it. I’ve tried a handful of instances, including places like Beehaw, and even there the level of hostility I see is absolutely unhinged.
Hey Hazel, I’m really sorry you’ve had such shitty experiences. We’ve moved to !womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone Ada has been fantastically supportive. She proactively bans people who are problematic, and does a lot to protect groups that face intolerance.
Just fyi the posts take a few days to transfee over so you may not be able to see much right now. New posts should show
Thanks! I’ll give it a shot!
Lemmy is a program.
Your instance admin is responsible for federation settings and moderation.
Talk to them or make an invite only instance/community otherwise this will always happen.
This is better than R*ddit for sure, but I feel your pain. Maybe we fire up our own instance and defederate? The same thought has come up in some blahaj chats. It’s absolutely rough, but part of the beauty of the fediverse is controlling whose content you see, but also who can see your content. That, to me, makes the fediverse perfect for communities looking to make safe, exclusive, spaces. I’d even personally considering going so far as to return to old models like ECHO (East Coast Hang Out) where you request and receive your account by snail mail. Idk, adding a vetting process to joining is important for the safety of any oppressed group. In this case adding barriers to entry is not gatekeeping, it’s acting as the bouncer to a space that is in fact reserved for specific people.
I am a man and I am posting this because there’s nothing preventing me: <— and this is the problem entirely
The entire issue is you’re attempting to create a private space in a public area, and without a closed door and a private gate keeper those don’t exist anywhere unfortunately.
I’m not saying your goal is wrong I’m just saying possibly the problem is the wrong tool for the job.
Sorry that public spaces are like this.
If anything lemmy needs more communities like this. Communities that AREN’T political and strictly focused around a specfic topic.
Yeah, we wrongly expected men to respect this space.
Guess that’s too much to fucking ask.
You have the rest of this fucking website to do whatever you fucking want. And we have ONE single tiny space we respectfully requested you do not post to.
And yet. Here you are!
Set up an instance for women and enforce account restrictions.
You’re using a public space without any restrictions and expecting it to be respected.
I mean this with all due respect but you’re using the wrong tool for the job and then blaming others for it.
It’s like standing in the mall and shouting that the floor tile you’re on is yours and yours alone and then getting mad that someone says “ok”
Here I am proving both our points together, we’re both right! I just have a solution for you!
It’s like standing in the mall and shouting that the floor tile you’re on is yours and yours alone and then getting mad that someone says “ok”
No, it’s like we requested a room in the community center for our meeting, and some fucking dumb-ass barges in, sits down, and inserts themself into our conversation!
Or! You could stay out of women-only spaces when requested! No?
I don’t have the time or tools to host my own instance, so maybe just stay out of our fucking room until we do.
K. Moderate your space then and ban this man for the audacity of overhearing your public conversation in a public place and saying “hey I can hear you”
Use the tools you do have.
This isn’t a room, there is no door, you’re in the hallway.
Yes, wise one, we know you can hear us! And our request for you was “you can listen, but please don’t interrupt our ladies-only meeting!”
Christ, for someone who can’t fucking read, you sure do post a lot.
And we’ve once again all three pointed out the problem, You’re arguing with a women now, and have been since my husband handed me the phone to point out the inanity of the situation.
The problem is that the conversation is happening in public and it doesn’t matter what it’s about people suck and want to be heard.
Nice sock pocket show you got there. Who are you going to claim to be next for your false narrative.
Oh my god, just say that you hate when a woman tells you “no”!!!
Wow. Just admitting your tokenism like that?
Jesus.
“You’re arguing with a women now”
Doubtful
Thanks pretty bunny, as requested you’re permanently banned. ❤️
It’s a bit sexist.
This post?
Thanks I’ve reviewed it and don’t consider it sexist. We’re a women’s only community for a reason, and that reason is what she’s talking about
The older I get, the more I want to be a lesbian. Thank you for this post.
this is a vibe, lol
