At least you don’t need to worry about a fucking bear or moose charging at you at full speed.
They do have drop bears though
Or rabies. Australians might have to watch out for their own brand thereof, but they don’t have rabies to contend with.
I feel a ton of people don’t internalize the meme about European forests and North American.
Our outdoors are fucking scary!
That being said, I hike through grizzly country fairly often, and have never had a problem. But my food is usually dehydrated.
I used to wrestle with one of my kitties and had to stop because it went from cute to painful (for me). She absolutely thought she could kill me.
You can also dump catnip over your body before wrestling to emphatize with the gladiators.
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I don’t get why Americans think everything in Australia will kill you. You know what we don’t have in Australia? BEARS! A fully grown polar bear will fuck you up like nothing else on this planet. It is the only animal that actively hunts humans. Of course brown & grizzly bears are killers too.
What about a nice, safe grazing animal? Look out - that’s a MOOSE and it will end your life on a whim.
Safer in the water? That’s where SHARKS live. Yes, that’s right, they live in the same ocean that we have here. The United States leads in documented shark attacks, with Florida accounting for nearly half of U.S. incidents.
Of course its not just big animals that can kill & maim. That cute little squirrel? That’s got RABIES. 100% fatal once symptoms show, its an extremely unpleasant end.
Of course if having your brain melted is how you get off, you’ve come to the right place. How about a dose of CJD from eating a ZOMBIE DEER? Nothing like the creeping inevitability of a prion disease to put a spark in your step.
Not biblical enough? How about a dose of BLACK PLAGUE? Easily treated with cheap antibiotics, hope your health system is up to it.
I could go on with the BOBCATS, SNAKES (13 times more deaths than Australia in 2025) and so on but you get the point.
Everything in America is trying to kill you.…we have coral snakes stateside, which while not aggressive are deadly venemous, but that’s okay because we also have coral snake antivenom: oh wait, except stateside pharmaceutical manufacturers determined after decades of production that it’s insufficiently profitable and so withdrew coral snake antivenom from the market a few years ago…
…good luck!..
Thank you for writing this for me fellow australian.
When I think of Australia and the things that can kill me, I think of the billion insects, small or big. And the countless poisonous or toxic things that I could encounter. Even while going to the toilet.
I too, would choose the bear.
Dude. You forgot all the natural disasters that happen here. We have cyclones and hurricanes, as well as earthquakes, tornadoes, blizzards, flash flooding, the occasional locusts, and of course fire season.
No, you read that correctly. In the American southwest there is a “fire season” we are in the beginning stages of that right now. Ironically it’s also when we get the majority of our rainfall.
sounds like water mismanagement
We have Drop Bears, but they’re nowhere near as deadly as a US school.
Bobcats can kill people? How?
Maybe they were thinking of Mountain Lions. And they didn’t even mention wolves!
I don’t know, I’m Australian. Bad karma?
Did you know there are actually more alligator attacks per capita in the whole US than in Australia?
Ats caus’ Straya has Crocs not Alleygators
You made me curious. I can’t find solid numbers on attacks/deaths per capita, but last year a indigenous Arakun (far north Queensland) fisherman was killed and only confirmed by DNA testing his remains in the Croc.
In 2024 two people were killed, a 12yo girl in NT (Northern Territory) and a 40yo man in Cooktown, Queensland.
The US also seems to have 1-2 annual alligator deaths, but considering our demographics difference (Aus 28.2m, USA 342m), Australia has over ten times as many deaths by large reptile per capita.
BTW all of Northern Aus is where the crocs are, and there are ‘Absolutely no swimming’ signs everywhere, but it’s hot as fuck up there and fishing and boating are very popular pasttimes so it is hard to keep the people and the crocs out of each other’s territory. I imagine it’s similar in the Southeast US?
I love that I inspired you to learn something but I was joking about the fact that Australia doesn’t have alligators, just crocodiles.
I see…
As an American, it’s mostly just a joke.
A lot of it has to do with nature documentaries that focus on the extremely misunderstood but potentially deadly animals. For clicks, they tend to play up how dangerous/viscuous/whatever they are. (See every shark show ever)
Like quoka aren’t really talked about, either.
They also take a lot of unimportant stuff and pretend it’s important. Australian snakes are 17 of the top 20 most venomous snakes*
*Against mice
They just don’t attack humans unless the human is fucking with them
Cassowarys too. Deadly dangerous. The last people killed by a flock of them was throwing rocks and beer cans at them. You’ve got to try to get killed by them.
We don’t really have any animals we need to tell people to not try to get a selfie with, aside from koalas but for the koala’s benefit, it’s not going to hurt you
There’s an effort to replace rabbits as the Easter animal with quokkas. I reckon the quokka is more cute than the bunny.
I reckon the quokka is more cute than the bunny.
I dunno. rabbits have it on floof if you go with the angora. Quokka take it on charm, though.
This reminded me of the old Photoshop contests on fark… Good times
I know, right?
for the record, this might give you an idea of how much floof that thing has. They’re where we get angora wool from.
Everyone is worried about the lizard people when the true evil cabal is run by quokkas. Don’t be fooled.
they’re bookies… and they use wombats as enforcers.
Including the government.
Us making glorious wildlife films like Rogue (2007) is certainly not helping haha.
Recommended btw if you like a bit of horror and don’t mind dumb movies like The Meg, Deep Blue Sea.
Water is the biggest killer in Australia. Either being without it or in it and pretty much anywhere across the country. The worst animals are in the water, you’ll die in a very short time without it.
Followed by stupidity and lack of respect for the environment.
Microplastics coming in clutch.
(Unconfirmed but suspected cause of the global increase in Alzheimer’s and Dementia:
What means: clutch?
Its got a few definitions but the context I was using is coming in at the last minute to secure the win. I’ve been listening to kids too much and it’s affected my language. Rip.
Thanks, it still doesn’t quite gel for me but I think that helps!
You didn’t even mention all of the alligators and crocodiles!
The blood lust in his eyes. 1,000 burning suns, his soul is as dark as a blackhole.
His name is mort
:D
Carries the plague.
i doubt marsupials carry it. you are thinking rodents(prairie dogs and squirrels)
With enough dedication everything is possible.
Missed the joke by this much…
“not all Australian animals can kill you… Don’t get me wrong, he wants to, but he just can’t”
if not the animals the HEAT will.
Omg! Is that a little possum‽
(Side note in American, opossum is pronounced with the “O”!!!)
Sure is. Like Cliff said, it’s a Western Pygmy Possum (from social media source).
Pic from Wikipedia :
You rock homie!
I think it’s a bilby. I’ve seen a few of these living out in the sticks and that’s what I know them as.
Their ball bag is huge for their size.
Edit: looks like I’m wrong. See below for corrections
A lot of little mammals are this way, pet rats for example
You ever have a pet rat drag their big ass balls across your face?
Well I haven’t either, but got close with a friend’s pet rat. (Btw,I grew up with dogs, made a living training dogs for some time, was even a “kennel coach” for some time at the local ASPCA!) But rats are pretty dope, and I will preach their awesomeness at any opportunity.
Get more then one! They are social creatures!
I have not had that experience no… My family bred and trained dogs for 3 generations, mostly sled dogs and k9 for the local cops (this was the 50s and Alaska) and more recently we raised pythons, along with rats to feed them. Breeders graduated to pet and got cushy retirements in the giant birdcage we set up.
Bilbies are much bigger and their ears are huge, they look sort of like a marsupial rabbit with a large tail.
Bunch of pictures from a Taronga Zoo article:
https://taronga.org.au/news/2023-08-29/greater-bilby-numbers-booming
It seems to be a western pygmy possum.
Thank you!
I’m your typical Floridian alligator wrestler type environmentalist. And searched “small possum” picture, to ask my Aussie homie.
I think bilbies are a bit bigger. Definitely not a sugar glider - looks like a possum to me
smoll but feerse
Never underestimate what a small creature can do.
I had the distinct displeasure of being a manager over a jackass that maced a bunny. (It was begging for food and he freaked out.)
Buns panicked, ran up his pantleg and went all Spawn of Caerbannog on his balls.
Dunno if he was emasculated, but you’d think it by his screaming. (It wasn’t just that it got nibbly. Buns was soaked in OC spray he was definitely not supposed to have.)
Buns found a good home with the animal rescue lady, too. She was decidedly less frosty when I asked for a copy of her report so we could put in his file.
Oh the justice!
fucker maced a harmless bunny…
granted the bunny was punching well above it’s fluffy weightclass. :)
