• SlothMama@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    I mean, I can usually tell yeah. Maybe I can’t tell when you did it, but I can know if it’s recent and you haven’t showered

  • tacosanonymous@mander.xyz
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    6 days ago

    That would be hilarious. I’m guessing they’d have to be terrible at cleanup and have almost no other odor though. Those two things aren’t going to line up, like, ever.

    • CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today
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      4 days ago

      Men are less sexually virile to other humans when they waste their sexual energy on jerking.

      Update: So far 50 chronic masturbators have indicated through their disapproval of this comment that they’re in denial every time they fuck their hand instead of a human, that they are fucking their hand instead of a human.

      • SmoothOperator@lemmy.world
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        6 days ago

        In fact men generate sexual energy through jerking, much how you can generate electrical energy by moving a coil of wire up and down a magnet.

          • qarbone@lemmy.world
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            4 days ago

            Y’all don’t jork with Dawn and steel wool??

            You can also use WD40, if that’s your preference.

        • CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today
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          5 days ago

          Hey, the word “sexual” implies TWO mates. Because a different word exists for when one creature goes at it alone: “asexual.” Learned about it in biology class. Asexual reproduction.

          So if you think you’re “generating sexual energy” every time you fuck your own hand, you’re not. You’re generating ASEXUAL energy. But humans can’t reproduce asexually, so you’re just spewing your horny protein juices everywhere for no reason but to release your own sexual frustration.

            • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
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              4 days ago

              My spider sense thinks she’s failing miserably. It could be the poor choice of words that reek (pun intended) of red pill alpha male bullshit

          • SmoothOperator@lemmy.world
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            4 days ago

            The thing is that the penis doesn’t know if you’re with someone or alone, which you can exploit to manipulate the sexuomanual energy field surrounding the penis once erect. It works like a type of sexual antenna, really, emitting its transmission independently of a receiver.

            Just ask anyone with a basic degree in sexuomancy.

            • CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today
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              4 days ago

              There’s been an erectile dysfunction epidemic the last couple decades ever since internet porn became available for everyone to carry around in their pockets, increasing & unprecedented numbers of men report being unable to perform sexually with humans but have no problem ripping out sessions to porn with their hand. If you need ME to be your sole source of info on this, then sure I’ll go into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for a doctorate program at Harvard just so you’ll believe ME, the only person in the world who you apparently care to get this news from. I’ll send YOU the bill for my University debt.

                • CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today
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                  4 days ago

                  Can’t help being suspicious of who funds such “authoritative” studies. You remember the decades when the sugar industry funded all the studies regarding the obesity epidemic? Yeah, foxes guarding the henhouse.

                  Warfare comes in many different forms: Hand-to-hand combat, Surface-to-air missiles, psychological warfare… Pornography & social isolation is a whole next level of warfare. Breaking humans down from the root at the individual level, reducing birthrates, thereby reducing population.

                  Y’all just keep wanking though. They’ve got you right there where they want you. In the palm of your own hand.

              • OldChicoAle@lemmy.world
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                4 days ago

                Autism rates are also going up. Cancer rates and celiac disease rates are going up. See how your logic fails? And so you have nothing to stand on. Go fight another battle.