When my wife became a drunk and started fucking her coworkers it was a pretty good sign things weren’t going to work out

I was unmedicated.

It never really got started. Ive known this woman for many years, back to when we were both kids. We met through a friend of a friend over the phone, so for a while, I thought she was much older than she actually was. When i found out she was significantly younger than me, I had to tell myself no. And that “no” stayed in the back of my head for a long, long time.

Now its been many years, and we’ve stayed close for a long time. We had a few periods of fooling around once she got older, but between going away for college and both of us starting careers, it never worked out. A couple years ago she moved back and we had been spending more and more time together. We actually started getting intimate with each other in the last year or so, even if we saw each other barely once evey month or so.

I had a traumatic incident at work, losing my job, and spent about a day in shock, and she was there for everything for me. She didnt judge me or push me or do anything besides understand and comfort. I didnt know that was something I desperately needed until that point.

After about a week of pulling myself together, i turned to really pursing her. I asked her out on dates, I tried everything I could to make myself available to her. Weeks went by and she never has the time. Then she told me she’d asked someone at work out and how excited she was.

I was devastated. I didnt understand for a few weeks. Then we talked about it and she said she just didnt notice that I was even making an effort. She said it just felt like the old hang out and whatever between us, and that she had let those feelings go a long time ago.

Im still recovering honestly. Part of me entirely understands where she is coming from. I told her no when she wanted it most, and it bothers her that I would take her saying no so hard now. I asked her if she felt it would have been taking advantage of her to accept her back then, and she said she doesnt know, but wanted it anyways.

The intimacy over the last year is what confuses me most. We’d done some rough kissing a few times, but nothing like what we shared in the last 12 months. Part of that was finally having time and being close enough to each other, Part of that was growing as people and being more honest about being what we wanted. I just dont understand why she would want that with me if those feelings were really gone a long time ago.

I really dont know. A huge part of me just wants to wait for things to get better. I sleep a lot. Between the loss of work and the loss of hope, its hard to tell which one feels worse. I still message her. We share dumb memes. It hurts every time I see her notification pop up, but hurting is better than nothing sometimes. Its been a long time since I’ve been so deep in the hole, but I’ve always pulled through before. Just have to wait. Sleep is good for waiting. Dreams dont hurt.

Everyone copes.

I am a muse with a soft spot for strays. I curate sexual and financial talent and then it leaves the nest when it’s ready. I’ve made peace with it because I too just move on to the next thing. But like, if you are broke and horny and we date long term, history suggests that within 3 years you’ll be clearing $150k and fucking with your feet behind your head. It keeps happening and I can’t explain it, but I also don’t hate it.

I feel like in the third act, my harem of wealthy exes is going to unite to do something great.

I moved across the country

Oh dear, to avoid revealing anything identifiable, and not write a novel, I’ll keep this shortish… but to answer the question…

My last relationship, she pursued me aggressively, then once she got me to agree to relationship with her, ended up screwing around with 3 other people behind my back not long after. slipped up her story with one of them, which made all 3 aware and her house of cards fell, and she had the audacity to come to me expecting there theres and head pats telling her it was all right from me, while telling me about all 3 and everything she did with them… I gave her a nice tirade about what I thought about her audacity, and her, and told her to never even think my name again, much less contact me in any fashion.

The relationship before that, another woman that kinda aggressively pursued me, got me to spend a lot of money for her, would emotionally manipulate me, and eventually started to physically hit me. When I finally stood up for myself in the smallest way, she lost her absolute shit at me, which resulted in me finally saying enough is enough and ending the relationship.

The “relationship” before that, that I’m just mentioning for a laugh over how ridiculous it was… another woman that approached me and asked me if I wanted to try dating her, I’d casually known her for a short while as a friend of a friend kind of thing, so I said sure…30 minutes later she was in another room with her dress hiked up bouncing on someone elses lap on a couch. Obviously this wasnt a real relationship, so its not like I had any hangups from this one, but its certainly a what the fuck moment.

So yeah, I’ve never really had what you’d call a healthy relationship, and honestly at this point in my life I genuinely thinking I’m giving up on women in general, as far as relationships go.

We had an open relationship that he completely took advantage of. Every night that I wasn’t home, he was at a bar trying to hook up and often did. Problem was, I worked overnights and I wasn’t home 5 nights a week.

Then he said he didn’t love me anymore and moved in with a woman twice our age. Can someone say, hobosexual?

It was really funny when he kept coming back to me trying to hookup. The fucking crocodile tears when he went to kiss me and I turned away. He sobbed like a little baby bitch and said “I just wanted to feel like you wanted me here” like I hadn’t begged him to come back multiple times. Not my best moment but I’m better off without 🤷‍♀️

Because I’m not good at relationships, I’m over reliant on being independent and spontaneous. My ex’s needed much more but I couldn’t be what they deserved and I hope they’ve found what they need. I’m not sure if I can ever give someone what they need, I need the time to be isolated from people.

We were together 13 years. We both grew as people but not together. I did a lot of therapy and finding myself. He kept pushing everything down and refusing to experience his feelings. We were never bad to each other we just kinda… Became roommates over time. We basically stopped being intimate both physically and emotionally.

One day we sat down, talked about where we’ve been, what we both want, what our ideal future is, and realized we were going in different directions. We decided to get divorced. We lived together for another year and a half after that because we own the house together.

I moved out a few months ago. We still talk every day, share pictures of the animals that we each kept, we’re good friends. We just didn’t open up to each other the last few years. He’s done therapy and started some self exploration since we decided to divorce. He seems much happier. We’re both dating other people and we’re both genuinely happy for each other.

May have lost a husband but, I definitely did not lose a friend. This was literally the best divorce you could ask for. I hope the best for him.

We were together for 4 years. At the start i was nihilist and she was christian but respected each others views. Then we broke up coz satan made a guy gay.

Then in the last year of our relationship she suddenly wanted to me to go to church and listen to this guy talk about finding god. I thought fuck it, ill entertain the idea, whatever.

This guy (who was obviously gay) was talking about how satan made him gay and that turning to god made him straight. All i could see was pain in his eyes and hear the lack of conviction in his words. He brought his family out and everyone looked miserable. I felt terrible and cringey hearing this guy trying to convince everyone and himself that he wasnt gay and had found happiness.

My partners dad afterwards in the carpark was banging on about how the world would be better if gay people realised they werent gay but had a mental condition brought on by satan and i lost it and told her family to fuck emselves.

The guy ended up killing himself a few years later so I guess finding god didnt actually workout. Such a fucking shame cunts cant be themselves without other cunts judging em

My first marriage, because she has an undiagnosed mental illness and leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes.

When I was a young man, I was afraid of being alone. I learned that being with someone who makes you wish you were alone is far worse than being alone. Thankfully that was a long time ago and my life is much better.

He died, which really put a damper on the whole thing.

I can’t call it a failure. Fun was had. Goals diverged. We split quite amicably and remain in occasional contact. 10/10, would break up with them again.

She had deep childhood trauma that made it difficult for her to imagine being a good person in a healthy relationship. Anyways she physically abused me when one of the guys she was cheating on me met me and felt guilty enough to break it off.

She died…

Becoming a widower at 40 sucks.