You know, if I have no issues with this or that ad campaign, why would I have an issue with ads on noodles? Why stop there?

Ads on chips! …new Doritos with e-paper ads on every chip!

Pornflakes! Every pornflakes comes with you!

Beans and rice? Yes and corn! All products can be stamped with ads! Imagine how many Viagra ads you can stick to a bowl of rice 🍚!

I could even rent my dick head to pornhub for relevant ads for my wife!..the new IKEA dinner set! Wait hold on!, how many spoons? Gr gl grgrgrgr…hold on wait I think comes with a gr gl grgrgrgr… Ok I don’t like this channel! Sorry, the Internet, it is for porn.

Why should we all not expect our next Amazon device to be just a friendly brick with an ad on it?

Because, unless you can easily open the thing to see inside, there’s enough space in side of all new phones to blow our leg or our faces off apparently.

Now thanks to this, phones don’t fly. So hey, you’re going to Hawaii? Better ship your phone separately on time so it gets there before you do. You want flights to be safe and not full of these dangerous bricks. Ofcourse, screw the mail man who will have to drive from the Continental United States over to Hawaii. It’s a water truck… details details…

Should I buy a new device for my kids and or family or myself? Nope unless the thing is transparent like an iMac.

An iMac is an old model personal computer sold by Apple, where the chassis was mostly translucent with bright colors.

Have you ever wondered why even keys not made from brass smell the way they do? And why they are often sticky? Vance! Get some help! Stop fucking our couches full of lost keys!

BDSM… even cats love it! 😂

My noodle 🍜 has little ads built into the noodle blades. I have to eat in my room. I’ve been watching porn so most of my noodles are pornographic. Anyway, don’t look at my noodles! I get them for free with the ads.

Ok so if “white” is a color but nobody is actually “white” does that mean that we have solved racism? Finally realized that everyone just has a slight shade of brown difference?

WOW! I love living in the early 2000’s! Fuck you all and your flying cars you 3000’s assholes! Sure I’ll die in this millennium before we meet aliens from outer space, but at least I don’t have to purchase oxygen in plastic bags on a daily basis from Trump-Tesla, your friendly oxygen company!

Shit! I had it all wrong! Okay but now that the rapture is over and not gonna happen anymore, then maybe everyone can go back to their regularly scheduled Friday?

WTF! I missed it? Did every single Jehovah’s witness drink the juice so they could fly into the spaceship or what? Postponed?

Ok we gotta get this to work. But first questions first. Are you now or have you ever been a hottie? If male, is your penis at least 7.5"? These are very important questions. She’s a hottie but it doesn’t matter because you’re supposed to love me, not her. But she’s supposed to love you. Can you sign the backstreet boys songs? Or the songs from Pink? Are you a gambler but you keep your cool and regularly make a ton of money in the stock market? Anyway, as for me, I got the sad bod going. I’m not too tall, not too short, 6" penis. I’m at a good age. And I love to be loved. And I love to love. So we will definitely click. Man, this is going great 😃. So yeah, tell us which end you’ll need from me and which end she can get from you! LOL.

Sounds like a plan!

The crutch full of glue finally catches me and then I’m stuck to it and then I wake up doctor… doctor? 💤. Ok I’ll come back tomorrow.

What a great idea! We can do drone delivery too!

Nobody said how big.

I drive by the Boeing strike every day and I do my part and I hunk twice quickly! Do your part guys! Hunk! It matters!

It’s not your job today, but it could be you there tomorrow at 8am wet and soggy from the rain and fog that continually falls in the PNW.

Honk like you just crashed on that big barrel of stuff burning. They burn stuff to stay dry and warm. It’s cold out here…not yet but give two more months and it will be freezing temps.

Did you drop the glue on your crotch too in first grade? That’s going to hunt me forever.

It’s a misdemeanor, let him go! If he tries it again, let’s all together figure out what to do. But for the love of gorsh, leave his second amendment intact!

I hope he didn’t burrow in school. The loan officers are going to pester him daily until he pays them off!

Hollywood is going to make that soo dramatic! Extending the 4 nano second event into what might seem like an eternity…4 seconds tops…“Actually guys, I think we might have a…”…silence. such a Sumner moment. Oh hey, can we get rid of putin? I have an idea but we’re going to need lots of toilet paper, concrete, rope, and a baseball bat! Oh this is gonna be so good! Pinatas are fun! And a tranquilizer dart! We need that or the paper won’t stick. You don’t want a mushy pinata!

O is for opple! P is for prange! A is for Aree! Sikibi dibi deeee!

6 months. If after 6 months of sitting on your ass you can’t tell right from wrong, fuck you, you’re out…let me demonstrate… Epstein: pedophile. That was like 3 milliseconds… Trump: shit get rid of him he’s all sorts of wrong ew! Ew! That was like 3 nanoseconds. Should women get to choose? Yes. That was a no brainier. Juanita’s tree is growing over the neighbors yard and the neighbor keeps eating the apples…ohhh there’s precedent here. I must research…yes it’s totally legal. Juanita must not know much about trees because she planted it too close to the fence. That was complicated, 3 seconds, I will need 6 months to recover and continue judging these cases, thanks!