Meanwhile I’ve seen videos of a woman somehow taking a dildo in her vagina that should have reached all the way into her chest cavity. I don’t know how that works, but it scared me; which meant I had to send it to all my fem friends c:

Edit: they were like, “that’s not how vaginas work, what the fuck” and my response was mostly, “I know, that’s why I sent it to you lmao”

Honestly? I’d rather have Bowser over any real world dictator. Bowser actually gives half a fuck about his minions and domain, while looking sexy as hell in the process. That’s a step up from the “real deal”.

I’m still kinda looking forward to the Mario game where Mario goes after Peach only to discover, at the end of the game, that Peach is actually in love with Bowser and that Mario just committed mass murder out of a misogynistic, misplaced belief that Peach can’t defend herself or pick her own partners.

This is exactly what social media was for.

shakes cane

I 'MEMBER WHEN YOUR FACEBOOKS AND MYSPACES WERE FOR GOSSIP, CHAIN MESSAGES, STUPID JOKES AND ODDITIES. NOT LIKE TODAY’S SOCIAL MEDIAS THAT ARE TRUMP THIS, BIDEN THAT, VANCE SUCKED OFF A COUCH. THEY’RE TOO MANIPULATED AND SERIOUS.

Second twist: the dog is a happily collared and pampered trans puppy girl so it’s fully consensual.

The twist: she’s not breastfeeding the dog, the dog is breastfeeding her.

Red flag. I don’t wanna date people who take the Sims seriously.

Edit: if our Sims are slaves to some mangled abomination then it’s a green flag.

Superman dives headfirst into the lava plug of a supervolcano, the impact causing the plug to crack and crumble, releasing thousands of years of volcanic pressure. Lava spews miles into the air, the caldera itself collapsing as, after thousands of years of erosion, the plug was the only thing still holding it up. The lava runs like oil on water, engulfing everything it touches. No one is safe, no one survives. Children scream as their flesh melts. Lovers hold one another as the ash smothers them alive. Pets asphyxiate from the toxic gasses. Vehicles melt. Homes burn. The cloud of ash ascends to the heavens and God weeps as volcanic winter sets in; causing famine and mass starvation as crops can no longer grow under the limited sunlight and frigid temperatures. A mass extinction event is triggered. Half of the extant species die as the perpetual winter disrupts their natural food chains and causes them to starve or freeze. Superman climbs out of the volcano to face his challenger, somehow miraculously still standing in the midst of the chaos. He puts on his most charming, charismatic grin.

Home insurance salesman: “Y-you’ve proven it, Superman… you’ve proven it…”

The joke has been around a while, so they probably have made the same joke.

What if the killer was the Costco founder? He told the United Healthcare CEO the same thing and then followed through.

Coward. It is 100% morally correct to punch a billionaire in the face, no matter how old they are.

Why does everyone find the “hawk tuah” meme funny? It’s probably one of the lamest, most forced memes I’ve heard in a while.

Nah, Denethor gave a pent-up troll a blowjob.

I too, would be upset if my hypothetical partner had more kills than me. Excuse me, I’m the killing machine here. I’m the one who’s body is designed to rip and tear and glide through the air! You’re making me look lazy.

How dare u!

(I will almost always take the chance to make fun of the act of using “headcount” or “bodycount” to refer to the number of sexual partners someone has had.)

reverse nepobaby? How does that work? His kid gave birth to him and then hired him?

Europe is all old culture, no new culture. America is all new culture, no old culture. Yes, I know that’s not 100% true, but how many European countries have their version of Hollywood, Disney or silicon valley? Iirc india, China and Japan all have their equivalents, where’s yours?. You just don’t spend anywhere near the same amount of money on movies, music and TV. On the opposite side, European art tends to be a lot more mature, however you have to spend money promoting it if you want to compete with the US.

Add a bald head with a barcode on the back and you don’t even need charisma.

Thankfully, despite being a metal fan, I’ve never listened to enough Metallica for that song to get stuck in my head, and I probably never will. Fuck Metallica for supporting DMCA. I’ve heard they’ve been kinda coming around on it, but what a dick move. The way it’s set up tends to be ineffective or damaging to small artists.

Hell, what’s up with the big thrash metal bands? Like, Metallica helped get DMCA passed. Megadeth has Dave Mustane, a racist, homophobic, conspiracy-theorist and born-again Christian frontman. Slayer has an supposedly rabidly antitheist frontman. Anthrax is the only one where I don’t recall reading anything recent (within the last 10yrs or so) about the band members being shitty people.

Damn, this is actually kinda huge. Until now, humans were the only animals that have an undisputed, widely accepted and scientifically supported ability to count. However, the evidence they’ve laid out makes it seem obvious that crows can count.

It’s one thing for an animal to consistently make the right number of noises in response to a stimulus, it’s another thing for them to actually modulate their first call to indicate the number of calls that will follow. Then, the fact that they seem to occasionally miscount (use a first call that corresponds to the correct number but calling an incorrect number of times) would appear to further support this conclusion.

That’s actually kinda amazing. If the research successfully goes through peer review and gets reproduced in independent labs then I imagine it’d set a new standard or become a guide for determining whether or not an animal can count.

You know, I never thought about the fact that quidditch, a game that J.K. Rowling came up with herself is non-gendered. Yet she goes onto social media and screams about how we can’t let trans women compete against the pure and innocent cis girls. Fuck off Rowling.

What do you expect? There’s a reason everyone who has a desire to maintain their sanity has defederated from them.