Case

I’d like to go on, that when I was a teenager me and friends split off into pairs as a sniper and spotter, and played war games with each other. Eye pro, tac-vests that held stuff and were just another layer against a pellet, sometimes heavier clothes (winter), but in the summers it was usually dark colored shorts and tees, and a little bush craft (I picked up a surplus army sniper manual).

Dangerous? 110%

Painful? Only if you get spotted.

Dumber than we allowed ourselves to feel at the time? You betcha.

Cutting to the chase, each pair came up with their own sign language that was useful in the dark, in the quiet, etc.

One of our buddies knew ASL (hearing impaired, deaf parents) so they used that.

Me and my partner decided on NATO hand signals, as we were both the most of ware of that format.

The others? Not entirely sure.

I know a lot was just made up on the fly through gesturing and combining the few signals we remembered, and that was all of us except our hearing impaired buddy.

So yes, some sort of sign language is often created on the fly based on cultural parameters. ASL, NATO, etc… just standardizing the symbols helps, but a lot of families, especially without access to resources use “home-sign” as I’ve heard it called. Basically, they standardized within their family unit over time based on mutual understanding.

So, there are cultural elements, but it expands past that.

I’m older, spent my 20s in a mosh pit fighting to the front, have ND related APD, at least I think, but sound is still HUGELY important for me in the world. Just don’t talk to me, lol.

Generally your taste in musics sets in during your adolescent years.

What were you listening to, driving around late at night after the first one of your friends got their license?

That the type of music you’re going to fall back on when you got nothing else to listen to.

And if you’re in the metal scene, at least in the early to late 2000s… No part of rap/hip-hop/similar were allowed. No dance music. No pop music. It was the south, so there was some country mixed in that was allowed - old school Willy type shit, the outlaw legends at house parties. Everyone was trying to out-brvtal each other or some stupid shit though.

I got out of the scene because I left that social circle behind after starting a career, but kept a few close friends. They faded over time.

Working nightshift at a hospital does not bode well for your social life. You’re at work when everyone else is in the pit drunk off their asses.

I worked alone so I listened to my old shit, and eventually got tired of it. Eminem dropped a surprise album, and I liked some of his stuff (like I also like trance stuff for concentration, like work) and started listening, and I’m a former percussionist so I started drumming along in the air, and realized… man hip-hop drum grooves are chill, laidd back, flow, get people moving. Fuck yeah. Then I dove deeper. Ended up getting into some underground crap, and I’m still exploring going back to the 2000s stuff that was popular and I heard “around” in the world. I dig some of it too without the egotistical guitar soloists who just want to musically jerk off in front of everyone influencing everyone with their snobby bull shit. Yeah, snobby metal heads exist. Their title is probably “lead” something in the band.

What if we could do it cheaper and even more inhumane?

-Some GOP nut, probably - or not probably too many polysyllabic words.

I overdosed on nicotine by accident.

I had a bottle of liquid from my refillable vape in my pocket that came open. Yes, it will go through the skin into your system.

ODing on nicotine, at least at the level I did lead to strong anxiety, heart palpitations, tachycardia, and projectile vomiting.

Also, I had a seizure after I finished dying outside and walked into work for my minimum wage job, right in the entry way.

I am epileptic though, so I’m not entirely sure if that related - as I was undiagnosed and untreated at the time. Making minimum wage with no medical benefits, choosing healthcare is a difficult decision over food and a roof.

I have 12 years experience in IT. Help Desk Tier II, with some sysadmin duties because I earned the privileges and worked nights. The guy who worked nights to “mirror” me so I could have days off was not so trusted. Plus I WAS IT for a company at an MSP I worked for. Their director of the company I was sent on site to support, liked to think he was a techy. He liked flashy gadgets. Interesting ideas, not plans to execute, and no budgetary concerns it seemed - plus, I was getting contacted all hours - not sleeping because of it, developing anxiety attacks when ever my phone goes off (but if I don’t respond, the wife…)

Medical, Public Education, and world class hospitality expectations and training for any position, even though I was IT. They expected that if you were able to, you should be help pitch in for other departments that need assistance at their lowest level, so they could swap around people with ANY experience to tougher duties. For me, this often including the bag boys when we had large departure days, or busy mornings, and weekend often enough too, or just handling the flow of guests and directing traffic to big events. Also got to lead a few fire drills (and actual events, generally mixed chemicals on a rag that started to smoke) on the fly due to proximity, lol.

Loved that place, shame they shuttered when Covid hit, but no guests, no income, no paychecks.

Anyway, I’ve been looking for work in my new state since May 2024. Yes, it is now July 2025. I haven’t found work. I’ve applied in my field, I’ve over applied, under applied, and applied at anywhere that an employee says “I don’t know if we’re hiring, check the website” and had a position. Retail, warehouse, fast food shit, a pay check delivered on time, basically. If they’re available, I try to talk to hiring managers in person. All the old school and new school shit.

When younger, I ran hard lines at Walmart for years by myself due to under staffing. I could making hunting licenses, mix paint, run electronics (that was my department, there was a required 2 minimum people in the department at all times to reduce shrink (theft, mainly, though it was found that the A.Manager was stealing from the tills and fucking over others for it, half the department had been turned over because of this - did they get their jobs back, nooope) , but that wasn’t an option if you had a single bone in your body that had a bit of customer service in it as the only person representing all of hardlines) plus if you didn’t you’d get written up for not helping a customer. So essentially, help the customer or stay in the department? Write up, either way. Within Walmart, at least at the time, this took you out of the running for promotions, raises, transfers, etc for at least a year, and often BS like this was used to remove employees who deserved it no, wait, it was used to remove anyone who was a liability, including people who just read company policy on the intranet and mentioned things like the department of labor and violations thereof. Also was out in the auto shop for about a year. OSHA Violations everywhere, safety checks (like hydraulic lifts so they don’t fail and crush a person underneath) were pencil whipped and left undone and lacked any reasonable maintenance, the flooring surfaces were unsafe, as a section that should have been bolted down wasn’t, and resulted in a fall from upper bay, into lower bay, for one leg, at rapid speed.

So basically, not the grocery section. But I did some shit over there too, I just wouldn’t say I ran it by myself, lol.

I can work. I want to work. Fuck, I need the structure in my life at a bare minimum.

I’m fucking trying, employers aren’t.

Pay people a living fucking wage. Give bare minimum raises that keep up with inflation at the very fucking least, and benefits are great too.

Know what makes it really hard to be a function human being with BiPolar, ADHD, Epilepsy, and while never diagnosed, modern standards would indicate I’m on the autistic spectrum, not just “weird kid who misses social cues until he gets beat up, but there were a few special assholes who singled me out every year until I started breaking bones in bully’s faces.”

Lack of medication.

Lack of health care as a country.

Lack of a job for health benefits, plus no money coming in, means no healthcare under capitalism.

This makes it very difficult to do things like sleep normally, recall things, and I dunno, stay fucking conscious.

No, I’m not, nor have I ever been on disability. I WANT TO WORK.

I can’t even get calls back unless they’re scams from India.

Sorry, I can’t understand the “Female voiced” Steve who spoke more Hindi than English, and then just hung up on me when I asked any follow up questions. I’m not fluent in Hindi, but I picked up enough from the neighbors growing up. Couldn’t eat the food mostly (sensitive stomach since childhood, 5 bleeding ulcers in my stomach from stress as an adult, loved the culture.)

My wife is supporting us now, and she is working 12+hours a day often more than 7 days in a row for three companies. I appreciate it. I do, but we have a lot of issues going on in our marriage that need to be addressed. Sooner than later. And work is often an excuse to avoid the subject or spend time together. Yesterday she was supposed to be off, she accepted the on-call role,

We are not communicating well and sex has always been an issue, at least since “I do.” Like a switch flipped. I feel lied to, betrayed, and honestly scammed. Throw in her chronic drunkenness (passed out, pissing on furniture, etc) and yeah. She also has severe trauma from an ex in the form of 17 years of emotional abuse, and I suspect other forms, but she will only speak about it when intoxicated, and before she passes out she’s kinda in and out of reality, mixing dreams with our conversation. Not useful really, doesn’t remember most nights.

Then, hey, my best friend back home had a seizure. Alcohol withdrawl. Then his wife kicked him out, and is filing for divorce while he sits on an involuntary 72 hour hold for a suicide attempt. I’m still waiting to hear back from him when he’s released, like today. My wife, when sober, has a decent heart most of the time, she’s offered him space to dry out for a few days, and we’re in a dry county here. The nearest beer is an hour roundtrip away. Trust me, while the wife works, handle everything else I can, including enabling the drinking. She’s aware its gotta stop, but hey, her brother has been through rehab at least half a dozen times, lost at least 3 6 figure jobs for drinking on the job, to the point of needing to be hospitalized, so I’m not hopeful, though I’m trying to be supportive.

Living with alcoholics is fucking hard. Hell, that is a large impetus of why we left home for another state unknown, to get away from her brother we shared the house with.

Especially when you examine your own relationship with alcohol and decide to sober up. Its not benefiting me, a few beers leaves me puking nonstop for 2 days… yet I still keep getting tempted walking into the liquor store in another county when buying something for my wife because, well, I lost that battle today. Both with her, and then myself.

Sorry to all of you for ranting, but… I’m struggling bad, and I just need some structure and money coming in to see a doctor so I can be fucking normal at a bare minimum.

The worst part? Throw Kali on my laptop, throw on a local college hoodie, and look for vulnerabilities. Essentially hacking, illegally. I’ve been self-paced studying (no money) for years, with a focus on red teaming. So the skills are floating around in my head. MITM, sell CC info, etc. Ya know, to do things like eat and not sleep outdoors every night. Healthcare for conditions that were thrust upon me by birth, or from repeated head trauma, shouldn’t be a death knell in any country that actually care’s about it citizens - No Taxation Without Representation - we went to war, formed our own country, and fought off (at the time) a global military leader over that.

I sure as fuck don’t feel represented.

I feel like I’m on the verge of killing myself, or something else drastic like just disappear entirely, somewhere across the country, or better, outside of it. No contact, grab a burner phone for necessary job hunting, and go from there wherever I wind up. Or crime. There is always crime, I suppose.

I haven’t gotten a raise in almost 10 years.

Different companies.

Moved to a different state.

Now I just can’t find work period.

Inflation isn’t the only problem.

Serious question:

I moved to an area that should be 5 degrees cooler on average than home, but this summer is killing me and I have a lot of stuff outside to work on, plus I recently got back on my meds, which all have heat sensitivity advisories so, yeah… probably not helping, but bipolar meds are generally fairly necessarily, unfortunately.

So, the question: Where could I purchase a legit Bedouin robe for the cooling effects; preferably online as I don’t think they have too many robe shops in central AR?

I’m not afraid to look like a weirdo in my own back yard.

Hell the neighbors on one side a retired potheads with strong hippy vibes, the other side is a young family of musicians… the dude rocks a waxed handle bar mustache regularly so I really don’t care for his opinions on style. To each their own.

I mean, if you have daughters send em to the work the corner. Probably a much better ROI if you can overlook being your daugher’s pimp.

Sadly, the younger the daughter, probably the better ROI both over time and initially. Now I feel gross for recognizing that evil exists in this world as more than just a concept, some people embody it.

Having sex with a child is rape. Statutory rape, specifically.

“Abused a position of trust” is language used in the school I worked at, so I used their wording.

Its a description, not a legal term, as far as I’m aware.

Nah, he’d hit up a mcdonalds, tweet about it while shitting, THEN claim he has no recollection of the event - which may be true, but that is really not a good thing.

I spent a year working at an elementary school, in an IT capacity.

I was at a fairly wealthy district, but Texas “Robin Hood Laws” distributed a lot of their taxable wealth to poorer districts and such.

That being said, all the kids that went there for the most part had rich parents.

So the stay at home moms always organized fund raisers. Bake sales, that kinda crap.

And the rich kids, or any parents who stopped in, bought treats.

I mean, it worked… but not without a lot of disposable income at home.

Heh, I applied for a substitute position a little while ago.

Called back. I’m a MMJ patient, and only have a high school diploma, and no teaching skills or experience.

They were fine with that. Obviously, don’t bring drugs on campus, but if its just residual in my system its fine with them.

Because pedophilia still exists.

And a 16 year old boy will say yes to pretty much anything sexual, hence why this woman exploited a minor nah, not sugar coating. This woman used a position of authority to rape a child.

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No no, I get it.

I do my best not to bother with form.

I just make shit work.

If you wanna pretty up my scripts for some sort of distribution, go for it.

But I’m done with it after that. That’s the companies problem now.

That would take paperwork. It could be traced back to his orange ass.

Sending a buncha “alpha” male types in masks to kidnap people and “deport” them is much easier.

Trump used Stochastic Terrorism! Sadly, its super effective.

Had something similar, but for a GPU. Also corsair.

Yeah, the tubing on the AIO failed and fried the GPU. There did not appear to be any external damage to the tubing. Just… dripped out over the years. Good bye 2080 TI, you served me well during the pandemic and the scalping of GPUs.

I went back to air cooling after that, just with a lot more focus (from me) on airflow, orientation, etc.

Plus, the high end air cooling stuff is good. Like, in the 90s (decade) we dreamed of cooling that good with air, and then water cooling came along. I just never cared for the concept of water running inside my electronics.

Now if I could get that super expensive crap from 3M that isn’t conductive and has similar thermal capacities to water, and run that through a water cooling system, I’d be fine with it. Its just prohibitively expensive.

At a LAN party (yes I’m that old) a dude came in with a box fan ziptied to the side, like it was a case side.

I didn’t think to ask about orientation though. As in, push or pull for airflow.

Whatever, it worked for him.

I joked about blood on my soundcard at an IT job.

Because yes, I managed to cut myself installing a sound card.

The younger guys were just like, “Sound card?”

Unless you really need something specific, the stuff built into mobos is fine these days.

From my experience, anyone that works with doctors despise them, so that road certainly goes both ways.

Also, from my experience, they tend to love when you pick up the phone at 4am, remote into their machine, and just fix their problem so they can get back to work.

Day shift people suck anyways.