You know Osiris? Kind of like that, but it’s in Israel instead of Egypt, and there’s only one God, who has two different forms, one in heaven but also is a dude down on earth, until eventually it’s revealed he has three different forms not just two. Also unlike with Egypt, a significant lack of animal heads, all just like normal human heads. Except the holy spirit who’s like a ghost or something. Nailed it.
Wait you don’t know Osiris? Crap, let’s talk Quetzalcóatl then. So he’s like this giant snake with feathers…
Remember Star Trek III…?
Me, a heathen, explaining how my family does Easter to my Jewish wife:
“We dye eggs and hide them then eat a bunch of chocolate and jellybeans.”
“Wtf? Why”
“I dunno”
My family is Jewish and I’ve always been an atheist. My wife is also an atheist, but grew up in a Christian family. I’ve always felt uncomfortable going over to her house for religious holidays. Most of the Jesus talk is done at the pre-meal prayer, but that part makes me feel super uncomfortable.
But like Easter and Christmas, despite the fact that they’ve always been completely welcoming and non-judgmental to me, I just feel like a total outsider. Even after almost 24 years of marriage I don’t feel used to it. I don’t even feel comfortable with a Christmas tree in the house, but I don’t fight it.
Christmas trees predate Christmas.
Okay? That doesn’t make it less uncomfortable for me since I didn’t have them for the first two decades of my life and they’re a Christian thing now.
Lots of things that Christians have adopted predate their religion. Like the entire Old Testament.
I don’t know if I would say Christmas trees are necessarily Christian. Myself and all of my friends have Christmas trees up, and half of us grew up in non-religious households.
“right, so he comes back to life after 3 days… I guess its kind of like in one of those zombie movies you like so much? But then there’s a bunny too you see, and he gives out chocolate and jelly beans. No, there wasn’t any chocolate or jelly beans in the Bible. Nor any bunnies either… The bunny is actually from an older thing from pre Christianity but we just kinda added it in afterwards. Yeah that happens a lot. Does it all make sense to you now?”
That doesn’t even cover the issues of explaining how they figure out what DAY it is every year.
“Okay, so they start by figuring out when the Earth has the most direct sun on the the Tropic of Cancer… no, not the disease, a giant crab… it’s a line of latitude approximately 23°27′ north of Earth’s Equator, right? Yes, there’s math. Anyway, the take the day the sun is strongest and weakest, called the solstices, and … the solstices… It doesn’t matter, It mattered for agriculture back then, especially when spring and fall were, which are the calendar dates in between them, yeah? So the spring equinox ,., that’s what they call the ‘in between solstices,’ equinox… which is March 21st or 22nd or something. What? No no, I am explaining how they figure out when easter is. I haven’t forgotten. So now we know when the spring equinox is, so now we look at a chart of the moon, and figure out when it is full. Full. No, not ‘full of what?’ it’s full meaning that you can see all of in the sky. Well one half of it, actually. The sunlit half, but it’s FACING us, see… The sun lights up and it shows as a circle instead of a crescent or something. Moving on, they look at the FIRST Sunday AFTER the FIRST full moon that occurs on or after the spring equinox. Except if the full moon falls on a Sunday, then Easter is the next Sunday. Why? Well, St. Bede the Venerable, the 6th-century author of Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum (‘Ecclesiastical History of the English People’), maintains that the English word ‘Easter’ comes from Eostre, or Eostrae, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring and fertility. That’s where the Spring Equinox comes in. NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!”
Just refer her to the “hero’s journey” entry on Wikipedia?
Jesus is more of an isekai protagonist than a classic hero.
I just refer to him as zombie Jesus and call it a day.
I thought he was more of a revenant.
