I feel like the world has placed an challenge on my shoulders I cannot and will not overcome, from a young age I’ve been considered unattractive, people treated me as if I wasn’t human, people used to use tissue paper to hand me things, make faces at me and treat me as if I was sick. On top of this I have abused by my father, when I was 14 I realized I was a women and thought hrt would fix me if I just held out long enough to start it, unfortunately after 3 years hrt, a year on injections many elements of myself are horrible, the only difference is I get the same treatment mixed in with transphobia, i feel like the only reasonable conclusion I can come to is death. I’m sorry I feel like the world wanted me to prove you don’t have to be attractive to be trans. Unfortunately that weight has proved way to much, I’m sorry to my friends I know they tried and tried, but I know normal people can only do much. I’m sorry to society, I know my life was supposed be some learning lessons but fuck I’m a human bein
I can’t claim to know your exact situation or anything, but it could be possible that some of what you see as people thinking you’re gross isn’t really that. If you experience enough mistreatment or hate then other things that might have a different explanation can definitely feel related to it. I’m not saying that as a way to try and minimize your experiences or anything, but sometimes it can help to try and find other reasons that people act how they do. If you have a negative image of yourself then it makes sense you’d imagine any sort of negative interaction is because of that, but people are complicated and there’s no saying what necessarily causes someone to do anything.
Either way, the people who would bully anyone are assholes. If anyone mistreats someone because they don’t conform to their specific standards then they don’t deserve to have an opinion on you. I know that it’s easier said than done, but try to ignore those people. Your self worth shouldn’t be based on how jerks feel.
No matter how people act or how you perceive yourself, you are still worthy of love and happiness. There will always be people who find you unattractive for a variety of reasons, just like anyone else. But there are also tons of people who will find you attractive for those same reasons and more. And like I said before, what matters the most at the end of the day isn’t how others feel, it’s how you do. So try to go easy on yourself and remember that one person’s opinion isn’t a fact.
If you want to change something about yourself to make you happy, go for it! But trying to change yourself to make jerks happy will never work, because they can always find something new to criticize.