• anon6789@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    When exactly do you get to recognise yourself, right?

    “Real me” is a quiet introvert with no sense of self esteem and medicated but still existing major depression. So… never! 😅

    You guys get my professional face. I’m here doing my job. It gives me focus and purpose I need. I got all this research to share with you because I’m rather hermit-ish and would rather be learning than doing most things.

    When you guys tell me I’m doing good, I do believe you. But my wiring doesn’t let me tell me that. I don’t beat myself up about it so negatively anymore, but it keeps me pushing forward constantly.

    I try to make my shortcomings work for me. I’m glad I get to make so many of you happy. This is more attention and a bigger audience than I would have ever believed I’d have or would have wanted. But I’m not anyone extraordinary, I’m just trying to be the best me.

    • JohnnyEnzyme@lemm.ee
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      7 days ago

      Late reply, but I appreciate your honesty, there(!)
      (er, you might also have noticed that I was having a strong drink while commenting, hehe)

      Also, I feel like I can certainly understand you to an extent, in that CFS/ME has crushed much of my self-esteem, such that I’ve felt for ages that I need to overcompensate, leading me to be rather perfectionistic and not satisfied with ‘making the average effort.’ Which is kinda dumb, since energy is arguably the biggest thing I lack compared to most others. But yeah, also with a bunch of chronic depression & anxiety to go along with that.

      Anyway, I admire the way you understand yourself in these ways, seemingly treating yourself both kindly and pragmatically, if I understand correctly. 🙂

      Ah, and now I have some found art to post on the ‘Super Bowl’ sublemmy…

      • anon6789@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        We’ve all got to make the best of the hand we’re dealt. I try to keep the attention on the positive here, because I feel we currently need it more than ever, but I won’t act like I’m immune to the negative myself. I think it’s crucial we make it ok for people to share problems and the ways they’ve found to get help with things.

        Especially here, we’re building something new, and I want it to be a happy and helpful place. A supportive net culture feels rare these days and I want to foster it all I can.

        • JohnnyEnzyme@lemm.ee
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          7 days ago

          There’s commenters I don’t see come by anymore and I feel they got bored with me. Someone new will post and get way more views than my stuff. There’s always something.

          Whups, I missed this the first time around, but I mutht say (hah, Ed Grimley moment)-- a community in which all content starts with a wonderful owl picture (whether its followed by a bunch of interesting facts or not) is both amazing to me, yet also rife with the potential for members / subscribers to leak out the door if they’re not personally engaged, wildlife fans, or major owl-fanciers themselves. Something like that, I suspect.

          But anyway yeah, I think I GET you about the psychological competition-thing, even if we tend to manufacture it mainly inside our punkin’ ol’ heads. Personally I don’t really have that problem across the Lemmysphere, but (and some may burn me at the stake for this) I still do post to Reddit sometimes, and it can be completely hit-or-miss, even if (IMO of course) I’ve found something cool and unique that completely suits a sub, then it gets outcompeted by a dang ol’ meme, or just plain ignored. Altho TBF I think there’s a post-threshold in most subs, in that one must #1 be subscribed, #2 have sufficient comment karma, and #3 have adequate post karma. Also, there might be a moderator-approval queue!

          Oh rabbits, I set out here to respond to your direct comment, but in checking the full comment chain, got fasctinated by an earlier one. Not to mention, it seems like your ORIGINAL comment was directly about vote-share trades, or something like that?

          Sorry, A6789 (oof, or do you have a preferred handle?), but I’ll try to get back to the interesting things you pointed out just above, and maybe your original concept. 😅

          Sorry sorry!

          • anon6789@lemmy.world
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            7 days ago

            I’m still mainly getting used to be the conversation starter I guess instead of the one joining in. Things are going to be hit or miss, but I’ve been learning to just roll with it and adapt. I picture it kinda like a comedian honing their set.

            I do have a fairly stable group of followers. I remind myself they have other things and interests probably more relevant than owls sometimes, plus people just come and go.

            If I had known I was actually going to be someone recognizable I would have picked a better name. I know I can change it, but after this long I have brand cache now… 😝