wife is alcoholic. standard mean girl. i am lonely. ten years married. my first wife died in my arms when I was 31. many years older now but I still miss the days when I was good enough. just good enough. not just a paycheck. when I was worth being attracted to even. i am tired of living check to check. being told to bring home a “juice box of wine.” being gaslit if I bring up my concerns. or my worries. or my stresses or self care.

am i meant to be here to be a paycheck and transportation and a pin-cushion when someone needs a punching bag.

i just want to sleep and wake up and be enough to someone.