It really seems honesty and kindness get you nowhere.
I’ve spent hundreds of hours volunteering. I donated money to good causes when I had it. I spoke up for others.
But I have nothing for it. No one will wish me happy birthday this year. No one will ever do any of the things that I did for others for me.
While evil people succeed. Narcissists can charm others into playing along with their world, people who do their jobs poorly will keep them.
Hard work, honesty, really any of those “positive” values seem to get you nowhere in life.
Have you red https://elan.school/ ? Just reading that crushed me and I don’t think I would be able to survive that. Sorry for whatever happened to you. You’re a strong person for just surviving that and even more so for still trying to be a good person.