CW: suicide, drug mention, ableism, islamophobia

I’ve loved politics ever since I was spergy little 10-year-old watching the fucking Glenn Beck Program (don’t ask). I grew to love sociology in my teen years, and I always knew a bunch of rare facts like how the Soviet Union ended the gender pay gap in Eastern Europe over 50 years ago, or how queer acceptance scales almost exclusively with HDI, but I was severely limited by the aforementioned Standard American Upbringing.

It was so goddamn easy and enjoyable to talk to people about politics back then, especially since I hated both US parties and was essentially a Bernie Bro. I was able to fluently relate to and discuss common grievances of people within the US and without while being proud of my (in comparison) vast knowledge.

However, in 2025 I got caught up in the Chinamaxxing craze and after a couple months of study (Governance of China my beloved) I sort of crossed a threshold and all of the liberal sophistry I had once loved became nails on a chalkboard.

I genuinely can’t talk to people about politics anymore without wanting to blow my brains out or feeling like I’m smuggling fentanyl precursor in my asshole OR being treated like a schizophrenic islamist talking about the CIA and US war crimes.

TAKE ME BAAAAAAACK I WANNA BE A WESTERN CHAUVANIST AGAIN I WANNA FEEL SMART AND ENLIGHTENED. FUCK YOU LENIN I DONT WANNA READ ANY MORE THEORY, PLEASE

edit: guys, I promise I’m not actually a chud anymore, and I have the Kim Il-Sung x Osama Bin Laden self-insert yaoi fanfiction to prove it.

  • demeritum@lemmygrad.ml
    14·
    1 month ago

    I don’t it was a horrible time where I had a deep sense of feeling the world is wrong but not finding any understanding of the world in the acceptable ideologies provided to me.

    It is painful to do actually realize what the world is right, but that feeling is external and does not come from within.

    • FreedomBurgerInc@lemmygrad.mlOP
      8·
      1 month ago

      Ironically it was the hard sciences that kept me deluded for much longer than necessary. They really instill a false sense of knowing.

      • demeritum@lemmygrad.ml
        9·
        1 month ago

        Agreed, it’s called neo-positivism (Remember the kurtzgesagt reincarnation “physics” religious mumbojumbo) and Lenin talked about it in Materialism and Empiro-criticism.

      • gwen@lemmygrad.ml
        6·
        1 month ago

        must be why the hard sciences are so revered by capitalists compared to the humanities (their useful scapegoat)