I’m the dumb one but I make her laugh.
More importantly,
Are any of you single and willing to settle for someone unattractive, not too smart, and otherwise limited?
Asking for a friend.
My wife has horrible taste in men. We made it work.
Her smartphone addiction is probably her worst feature but I’m a little conflicted about that aswell. She’s not exactly doing anything wrong. It’s me whose getting irritated by it. Who am I to demand her uninterrupted attention?
I consider people that are on their phones to be “unavailable”. I often have things to say but I wait for her to put the phone away and usually I just forget what the thing even was. If I’m talking and she takes out the phone I stop talking mid sentence and she often doesn’t even notice. We used to often just hang on the evenings, play some music and talk about what ever but I feel like I no longer can connect with her because her attention is on her phone. When one sits with no external stimulus your mind tends to come up with things to talk about to fight the boredom. When one has their phone in their hand this doesn’t happen and the person becomes quite passive. It’s often just me talking and I feel like she’s not even listening.
I tolerated it for a long time as I tend to do. Then I mentioned about it to her several times and we talked about it but nothing really changed. I no longer bring it up. Otherwise our relationship is quite good and we’re compatible but I hate this feature about her. In all fairness though it’s not just her. My firends are the same, my family is the same. Hell last summer I was on our boat with my dad for a couple days and even he prefers to browse facebook while eating rather than talking with me. That’s why I feel like I’m the problem and not them. If I just took out my phone like everyone else there wouldn’t be this issue.
Obviously you’re -not- the problem, but I understand what you mean and why you would feel that way. I’m also kind of disappointed (but not surprised) at how often people are on their phones instead of being present. It’s especially noticeable at restaurants and different social settings. I think it’s something we’ve all gotten desensitized to as the technology has become more ubiquitous. I’m not entirely innocent in this regard either, but I do tend to notice it more than most I’d say. I prefer not to be on my phone when around other people, but if literally everyone else is on their phones then it certainly makes me feel kind of out of place. It’s kind of just socially lazy behavior in my mind… Usually I will tolerate it for a few minutes, but as soon as I pull my phone out (pointlessly might I add, there’s never anything on my phone. I shouldn’t even carry it on me all the time, but that’s another conversation I’ll have with myself at some point) -then- they want to start talking again. Why is my timing always so off?? I’ll never get it.
I was in a long time relationship, and we had our moments. Sometimes we would be fine just chilling by each other, together but not really interacting with each other (being on our phones or whatever). Most times, we tried to make sure to be mindful and present with each other, as this was important for BOTH of us. We had a rule that if we were out eating somewhere or whatever, then we should not really be on our phones. There were exceptions, but the requirement was to make sure that the other person was included. So, if one of us did happen to want/need to use our phone for something during this time, telling/sharing what was going on with the other person was always a requirement. It worked pretty well for us, maybe it could work for others as well. It became a more interactive experience instead of a singular/isolating behavior.
I kind of think it might do you some good to talk to her again, and continue to try to get through about how this is important to you. You care about it enough to make a post lamenting the behavior, it obviously still affects you in a negative way. Other people might not be so important, but the one you care about exhibiting this behavior towards you just makes it 1000 times worse in my mind.
My wife has gained roughly 60 kg since I meet her many years ago, which some might see as that kind of limitation, but you know, I don’t even see that when I look at her. She is smart as fuck, a great engineer, a wonderful mother, and just overall the better half of me. It’s just so easy to love her, and I would never even consider leaving her for looks. We all have our imperfections, but that’s not to say we’re not worthy of love. Oh yeah, I’m a terrible smart ass, overweight, impatient, not a great father, and I don’t communicate very well. Beats me what she sees in me.
