Number isn’t what’s important. What matters are volume and volume.
Ha! Good one
That is (pretty obviously) my #2 joke
That’s just because they didn’t include me, Jimmy Fartling… They said I was an outlier and the lab hasn’t stopped smelling like cabbage
Wtf? Do these scientists explicitly eat ultraprocessed food that becomes Portland cement in your guts and kills all the bacteria in your microbiome?
you dont need to eat ultraprocessed, just alot eggs or cauliflour or broccoli
The 8th one was def my dog.
Sorry, 2-7 times a day??? Oh no
Who the fuck farts twice a day
One from 7 to 9, and one for the afternoon from 19 until 21
Jimmy Two Farts
Most people fart before taking a shit. You probably don’t think of it as a fart just because you’re on the toilet. But it is indeed a fart.
I’m gonna reach that limit before leaving my bed in the morning.
I reached the limit while reading this comment
Some scientist is like "Jerry, you fart so much I wrote a research paper about it. "
Just one, long fart per day is all you need.
I feel seen.
You want it nice and deep. A truly satisfying fart might cost you a tooth
I believe the scientific term is ‘cropdusting’
Well. Except for No Fart November. There’s a peptide for it and everything [there isn’t].
I’ve told this story before recently, but somehow it seems vaguely apropos.
When I was a kid, I tried adding fried spam to mac and cheese.
As you can tell, my mom was very concerned about my diet, AKA, not at all, and she just let us do whatever the fuck we wanted to do.
So anyway, it was alright. It was not a meal I would repeat. But in addition to the fact that it was not very good, that night at three o’clock in the morning, my butthole woke me up.
This is not a normal occurrence in my life. In fact, in all of the years since then it has never happened again.
My butthole woke me up to let me know that it was about to open, and it opened, and exhaled one long continuous fart for what felt like two solid minutes.
There was no sound, it was completely silent, it did not rattle my cheeks. It was just a whoosh. Like my butthole had been waiting to exhale its entire life and finally got the opportunity.
At first I was like, why am I awake?
Then I was like, wow, this is a really long fart.
Then I was like, dear god, why has this fart not stopped yet?
Then I spent the remaining minute and 30 seconds of the longest fart in my entire life, absolutely flabbergasted that it was still happening. I wish I had shit the bed, I would be less traumatized.
That fart changed my life and not for the better.
How did it smell?
Bless you and long winded farts!
Thank you for your contripootion.
I think moby dick might actually have been written about a fart like this.
Sounds like you may have some sphincter trouble there. Too much olestra?
Oh, I am not ok then… I think some days I fart more than I talk…
Sounds like you just have a healthy protein intake. A positive nitrogen balance will cause you to fart more often
Please stop posting my diary
most days.
I drink so much carbonated stuff, I fart constantly.
Wait wait, holup…
Australia has more than 6400 people?
And they’re all constantly farting?
I didn’t read the farticle this is more fun
OK so my brother was right.
Was your brother the author?
No but he did say that my wife and I fart an incredible amount.
Is this the average for non lactose intolerant people?
I reviewed the article but not the paper direct but this could be very beneficial knowledge for gi doctors. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this at least nominated for a ig nobel prize.
