People-pleasing and excessive conflict avoidance. Been there before.
Is that an autistic thing ?
When you spend your formative years trying to ‘fit in’ (like most autistic people) you quickly learn that standing up for yourself is a failure in your attempts to not stand out. Those chidhood habits are incredibly hard to unlearn.
This meme isn’t an exclusive trait for autistic people, just one that many autistic people struggle with.
Non-autistic take, and Ive been on both sides.
If you really aren’t comfortable, bring it up with the person later. I have done this, and had this done to me as well.
“I was thinking about what happened the other day, I said I was Ok at the time but I am really not Ok …<explain>”
That is fantastic advice for people who are capable of direct responses like that.
I relate to this a lot.
Some worries man, some worries.
Once I figure out who’s shitty (especially after delayed processing days, weeks or months later) I just stop positive engagement with them. They never have to know what I figured out. Leaves room for other to fill the void and life is better.
If I really don’t like them I tell them exactly why. I’ve got sputtering responses that fill me with warmth years later each time I remember or tell the story to someone I care about.
People are not often bluntly confronted on their own shitty behaviour and there is a power over them when they know your know.
i got a friend who says to me now, “I get where you’re coming from and that’s really kind of you, but it isn’t really all good, is it?” and it’s been e n l i g h t e n i n g
Part of the social contract is forgiving people so we can all move forward. I don’t think you can go back and say something was not ok retrospectively after having said it was ok, without breaking that social contract and going back on your word…but next time you interact with the person you can ask them not to do it again.
There isn’t much point in dwelling in the past and relitigating it, just work on making the future better without causing trouble.
Ex: Branda, it’s totally cool last time, we all understand, no worries about it. But please don’t get drunk at the next party on Saturday, we have to set a good example.
I think it depends on the thing that was done, whether it harmed someone, and if it harmed you. You wouldn’t want to say, “it’s cool you hit me and broke my nose” even if you forgive them, and especially if the reason you brushed it off before was out of fear of escalation. In cases of harm, they’ve already broken the social contract.
